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| long long long time since I've been on here. I just wanted to
change the mood from the bad stuff that happened a year ago. I am
getting married in less that 6 months to an amazing and awesome man
that I love with all my heart. I'm soooooo excited and
happy!!!!!!!!!!
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| To hell I go.....
What did I do to deserve my life to go to shit. I am so scared. More scared then I ever have been. What happened? Why did it happen? Even my job?!?!?! Why? Everything was finally making sense and leading to the life I thought God had planned for me. Well.......... to hell with that idea. I have a hard time getting out of bed. What reason do I have. Who really cares. Would anyone really miss me? I am apparenting no use to my purpose, so why live. I want to go home. | | |
| AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I come actually say what's been going on at work on here, but I could loose my job and my career for that. I'll just say that the past two night have SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bad call after bad call after bad call. Then to top that off I'm still making myself sick over this stupid situation with the male race. Get over it Amy. God's held you this far what makes you think He's not still holding you. "because He was telling me one thing and apparently telling someone else something else" Well, don't you think this is just a test. "it might be, but by the time it's over I might not have enough hope left to love." Just trust me Amy. "I'm trying!"
someone help me | | |
| I am on a
mission to feel better. My heart hurts as well as my physical body. I'm
tired and I honestly feel like shit. I am trying like mad to deal with
the fact that he doesn't love. I know there is nothing I can do about
it, but being human I want to try. Yesterday morning was great. A
friend from OBU went to church with me and it was so nice to be back at
my church where people actually know me and care about me. Laura and I
ate lunch together and chatted about the good old days at Ouachita.
Then we spent a little time shopping before I had to go to work. She
and Justin are supposed to come over tonight and do something. Jess is
coming home in two weeks. I need my big brother. I know God is telling
me to just calm down and trust Him, but making my heart shut up and is
not an easy thing to do. I don't know how long this is going to take,
but I do know I need prayers....lots of prayers...! I may only be
22years old, but I'm tired of being alone. I never thought I would say
the following, but I really do want to settle down and have a family. I
am just starting to worry that there's not a man out there that can
love me. I am extremely complex. I cannot deny who God has created me
to be. I am a very strong woman and a warrior at that. I deal with
things that most people only see in their dreams. Is there really a man
out there that understands that and respects it and wants a woman that
deals with it? BUT, under all that armor is a child who needs someone
to be there and to encourge her and love her and pray with and for her.
All I ask for is someone who understand or is willing to understand my
ministry and support me and just be there for me and love me for me. I
am different. Is there someone out there that will love me because I'm
an odd duck. I have passion for that of the inner city and at the same
time I have passion and cannot deny that I love and want to live in the
country. I want to raise a family somewhere where you can wake up every
morning and go outside and see God's glory in the land. Is there really
a man that wants the same things as I do. Is there really a man out
there who wants to love and fight for me. Father, if there is would you
please send him soon. | | |
| It's been forever since I've been on here. A lot has happened in the
past week. Saturday Eric broke my heart. I've been through
many sleepless night and hopeless hopes, but God's giving me peace now.
I don't know what is going to happen. I just know that I still
love this crazy man and that I would be honored to be his wife, but
that is up to God. I guess I will just continue to live and
see. That's all I have to say for now.
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